Enough is enough

I've been through hell and back for you. I tried in every way to make you happy, to be there for you, to give you my everything and beyond, and you know what I get? Nothing. I get nothing, I broke my own heart trying to fix this. To be honest I don't even know what this is. Me staying up writing you this, when all I truly want to do is sleep my problems away because it hurts staying up thinking on back how dumb I was believing every word you said, every promise you made. I was built just like you. I have a heart, I can feel, I obviously have emotions too. None of that matters though, you fell into the wrong hands of someone who doesn't care about your wants and needs like I did, or what mattered to you before. I mattered to you, I gave you everything, I did everything for you, but that don't count no more I guess. You didn't just left me wondering, and hurt, you left me cold, you left me for what didn't even matter to you at any point. I might be the one hurt now, but I'll get stronger and better than ever. I look back on everything, where I came from, and what got me here, and its been one hell of struggle to reach this point. There's a hole in my chest, like someone shot my heart right out, now it's hard to feel knowing I'm sitting here thinking to myself what in the world did I do to deserve this.

I might not know what is ahead of me, but I do know what I left behind. I'm moving on to something better because for once in my life I'm tired of putting you before me. I cared for you way too much that I forgot what it was like to be happy. I was too busy putting that smile on your face that mine started to fade away. You think it's easy, looking you dead in the eyes telling you enough is enough because I cant endure anymore pain? You must think it's just another joke, another unimportant fight that isn't worth fighting for. I guess you could say that. My feelings are nothing, it's just a big fat joke. Nothing more, nothing less. Why fight right? When we could just easily stay shut about it. If it's easier for you, it will be easier for me too.

Life and God has different plans for the two of us. I have so much to offer to the world and to one person, that I don't want to waste another second on someone who is too blind to see that he mattered to me so much that I didn't stop fighting for him when he made it so easy for me to just give up. I never stopped fighting, trying is all I ever did. I want to be okay again, I want to find myself again, I need to get back up again. When you decide to miss me eventually, I hope you think of all the times I stayed up all night writing you the sweetest messages a person has ever written,  I hope you read all the love letters I hand written you, all the cards I never missed on your special day, I hope you think back on all the times I cried for you, all the times I stuck by you, all the times I held your hand through your bad days and one touch just changed everything. I hope you remember all the times I looked at you, and smiled and made you smile. I hope you look back on all that and realize what you had was real, what you had, others wanted.

I wish nothing but the best for you. I wish someone out there could replace me better than when I was there. I hope you find someone who will hold your hand through it all, and never let you go. I wish I could have held on longer but, we were walking on a tight rope, and I was bound to let you go. I just hope when you get better and open your eyes and look in the mirror and see past your mistakes, you'll look back on all your wrongs and make things right. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I couldn't keep the real you around. But, I'm glad you changed. Because I knew it was too good to be true. You were too good be true. You're a lot different now, everything about you that I once loved and admire has faded. Everything must come to an end right? I guess our end is here. I hope after you read this, know that I left my heart on this page, and I don't want it back.

My weekend is coming to an end

It's so upsetting to see the weekend go but, whatever. You go to do what you got to do to get by, and all I'm trying to do is finish this school year so, I'm crossing my fingers these 36 days fly by. But, other than that it was hella good weekend for the most part.

So with that being said, I'm going to bed. Good night readers (:

I hate when the season starts to change,

I start getting sick, and all I want to do is sleep, eat, and sleep some more. I get all lazy and not want to do a thing, then I start to feel moody.

It's only a Monday, and all I want is the weekend. Like I'm dying in this heat, my allergies are terrible, my cold is getting worse, and school is the last thing I want to put up with right now like seriously.

No one understands the love I have for The Weeknd.

He's fucking great.

Happy best friends day!

I have plenty of people who I would consider my best friends, but this shout out goes to one of my best friends or my very best friend Jess. This girl and I have been through hell and back, and we're stronger than ever. She's the only girl who I truly call my best friend. She's always looking out for me, and I couldn't ask for a better person in my life. She's there when I need her, and she's there even when I'm not asking for anyone to be there. We're not the perfect pair of friends, we go through plenty of ups and downs, but at the end of the day she's like my other half, and no one could ever replace that. I really do adore this chick, and she'll always be my favorite girl friend, no matter what. I mean no one understands my weirdness like she does, haha and no one will ever put up with her shit like I do. This one's for you best friend.

I speak my mind

A lot of the times, I don't hold back when it comes to making sure someone knows how I feel whether it's a bad thing or a good thing, I do it before it's too late or to the point where I'll regret not telling them when I had the chance. I'm not the type of person to sit back and let things be, I make it clear to others what I want, and what I expect. They way they make me feel and how I feel about them just because, I'll never know what their response might be if I don't take the chance to get things off my chest first.
But, tonight I'm not going to speak my mind, at least not to you. So here's something to sum my thoughts up for you especially:

 I'm passed that. I'm over that. I been there done that too many times, to do it again. What do I look, breaking my back, bending over backwards trying to tell you how I feel. You should already know. I mean hey, I guess though. I guess it's tough to act reckless, you know where you not giving a damn about what might or might not hurt my feelings, or you know just don't care that's fine too though, I understand. But don't you know, I dealt with that shit from the start, I know your ways better than you know it. I mean I can sum you up in a preface, get you all choked up and leave you breathless after I spit some thoughts, having you speechless. I mean still, what's the point of all that, when reality is, I could just say peace to you, and wait until you realize what you had, you don't have no more. You're in line to kiss my ass because realistically speaking, I'm done chasing your ass.

Every relationship starts out perfect,

You do everything with that person, you can text them all day long and not get tired of seeing their name pop up on your screen every minute, you can talk to them on the phone all night and not want to go to bed, because there's so much about them you don't want to miss. You get eager and excited when you know you're about to be with them, because being with them is the only thing you look forward to doing. All of a sudden you find yourself all caught up in them, and nothing and nobody else matters to you expect for that person. You tell all your family and friends about how amazing your guys relationship is. You find yourself thinking about that person and that person only all day. You always wonder about what they're doing, and who they're talking to. Everything about that person drives you insane. You find yourself loving that person for all that they are and you're just so attached to them you never want to let go. Every little fight you guys get into doesn't even matter, because you're so caught up into each other it won't even matter.

Then, when you're with each other long enough, it seems like you get tired of doing the same thing. Your conversations start to become dull, the texts come slower and shorter, and the calls become longer but nothing is being said. When you're with each other, you're barely into that person anymore. You're just doing you're own thing, not even worrying about that person is up to. When your friends and family ask about you guys, you start to smile and cut them off because you don't feel like lying and explaining to them how hard your relationship with that person is, so you smile and walk off but, in your head it's like 'I wish we were that'. You start to see that person less, and start thinking more about why you should see that person anymore anyway. Everything starts to get to you, all the small fights and arguments start to add up and they start to count. You start to cry more, and laugh less. Soon enough, everything goes down hill, and it's hard to think straight knowing you don't truly feel the same anymore. Then, you start to lie to yourself and say it will get better when in reality you know it's not. Then all you do is put up with it, and hope that tomorrow maybe things will be the same again when it will never be close to being the same again.

Isn't that funny how things can change so suddenly? And that person you once loved, you don't really love anymore? I hate change, especially when people change. You just got to find the one person who won't let you get away and want the same things you do.

I feel like there's so much more out there

Yet, I don't know what. I don't know how to get there or how to find it. I hate waiting, and I'm tired of waiting for something new to come along. I feel like this isn't the place for me, no one here understands me one bit, it's boring to see the same thing every day,and  its tiring to deal with the same faces everyday. I just want to get out of here and do something new, and feel alive; at least again. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel lonely here. Even with the people around, I feel like I'm alone by the end of the day. Nothing in my life brings excitement anymore, and everything feels dead to me. I don't know what it is, and I'm sick of searching for the answer. I just need to break through, and get out. I'm tired of this feeling, and I'm tired of not being able to live up to my full potential. I'm done lying to myself, this really isn't me. Forget the smiling, and pretending, that shit doesn't work for me anymore. I'm ready to let go of everything that keeps me from coming above, I'm just ready for that new chapter in my life. Question is: when am I really ready to let go?

It's not fake to wear make-up

Girls wear make-up to enhance their beauty, not because they want to cake their faces up so people could talk about them. Make-up makes a girl feel confident in her own skin, and some people just don't get that. Nowadays, it's hard to not wear make-up. Sometimes make-up makes a girl feel accepted because that's what society wants, and we make society that way. Nothing annoys me more than people who talk about how much make-up a girl wears, or how she should stop wearing make-up because it makes her fake. Honestly, it's okay to wear make-up, it doesn't hurt anybody. And for people who don't wear make-up and talk about the people who do, good for you. You should feel lucky that you're able to feel pretty without it, but cut the girls who wear make-up some slack. Same goes for the guys who claim they love girls who embrace their natural beauty, or they rather have a girl not wear make-up. Seriously, it's such bs. Guys like girls who look good, and if they don't look good, they're considered unimportant. And, that's why girls are so insecure about themselves. If people could just accept others for what they really are and what they look like, make-up wouldn't even matter.

I hate when boys

say they want and need a girl who does this and that and when they finally have her all they want to do is take her for granted and do her wrong. Guys really don't know what they have until it's gone and that's just sad.

If you don't take my advice the first time,

don't expect me to keep giving you the same advice twice. Not only is it annoying to be repetitive but I'm wasting my time trying to be there for you when whatever I say is completely irrelevant to you anyway.

Junior year is coming to an end!

It's 4th quarter already and I'm way too excited. I couldn't be any more pleased with the fact that I'm finally coming to the end of this school year. I can't wait to become a senior already, because I can almost feel everything being so close! But whatever, I'm just going to finish this school year strong and enjoy the rest of this school year as I count down the days 'til summer (:

Change is not always bad. Sometimes change is what you need,

 even if you don't want it to change.

Don't piss me off when I'm on my period

I will kill you xoxo.

I need something new in my life

Everything is so repetitive. I'm so bored with everything in my life, I want to do something new, I want to see new faces, I just want to do different things already. I seriously cannot wait to start going to college and living the college lifestyle. Staying home, and going to high school, and doing the same thing every day gets a little tiring and boring. I need change, that's what I need because I feel like my life is missing something or lacking a lot of excitement.


#Boring people problem...........

My day was so productive!

I couldn't even sum it up if I tried. Today was just what I needed after a long week of school. I really do love the weekend. Can't wait to do it all again next weekend♥

It's way too early for this heat

I like that summers coming, but I hate how humid it is already. And all I have are winter clothes :(

I'm coming back to blogspot!